A Different Way to Honour International Women’s Day

International Women’s Day is typically an occasion on which the many wonderous achievements of amazing women are celebrated. It is always inspiring to see what those around us have accomplished and right that we dedicate our time to honouring their hard work and passion. But, as every woman will know, often our most inspiring efforts are displayed in the everyday struggles and times of darkness. That is when our capacity for resilience, grace and empathy is at its peak. No doubt you will either be a woman, or know a woman, who has demonstrated unrivalled strength against the odds and who simply keeps going when others would give up. Those are the stories that are often the most relatable. So this year we wanted to do things a little differently and share with you an incredible personal story as an example of how women are able to find a pathway through the worst of times, in the hope that it might bring you comfort in your struggles and maybe even inspire you to share your own story.

The story we have generously been allowed to share belongs to our tenacious co-owner Aideen Hopkins.

Aideen is well known for her savvy business skills, excellent leadership and her visionary contributions to the industry as a whole. Her steadfast career trajectory has been guided by her dedication and talent, leading to her current role as a co-owner of EER Middle East. What you may not be aware of is all that she went through to reach that position and the struggles she endured behind the scenes.

One only has to see Aideen in the office to see how much she cares about her team. She is always the first to support those who need time off to look after a sick child or adjust the way they work for something personal. She developed many of the protocols the company has for engaging with their employees, so that everyone feels heard and understands that they can come to her with problems and ideas alike. Though this compassion has always been a part of who she is and her approach to work and leadership, it is further fuelled by a heartbreaking truth, that her team is like a surrogate family as Aideen was never able to have children of her own.

Even those last few words seem almost too raw, too vulnerable.

It isn’t something that gets talked about a lot. It isn’t a ‘happy’ subject. As Aideen will tell you herself, the quickest way to stop small talk in its tracks at a networking event is to respond with a negative when pressed to share tales of your own litany of offspring. Even today, so few women have the courage to speak up about their experiences with fertility, especially when there is no happy ending to lighten the mood. But Aideen bravely chose to let us tell you what she went through, perhaps because she knows that her openness could speak directly to someone who needs to hear it the most.

Having married relatively late in life, Aideen and her husband were keen to start a family right away. Aideen’s love for work (and her new husband) was only surpassed by her love that awaited a longed-for baby. As you will have gathered, this dream was not to be. Over the next ten years, Aideen endured the devastating loss of seven babies. Some naturally conceived, some after the torturous pain of various fertility treatments (and anyone who has gone through that knows it can be literal torture with the bruises to match). Two of her miscarriages ended naturally, one all too quietly during a walk with the dog when she returned home just knowing in her heart that the three that had left the house was now only two. The others required medical intervention, either resulting in hours of crippling labour pains or surgery, but all taking her further from the life she had expected. The wrongful cruelty of someone so well suited to parenthood to be so denied is further intensified by the outcome remaining unchanged despite such endless poking, prodding and pain.

But Aideen kept going.

She catapulted between injections and board meetings, appointments and client calls, returning to the office multiple times as if nothing had happened just hours after losing another baby. As expats with two highly unsupportive home governments, adoption wasn’t even a viable option for Aideen and her husband. Sometimes she would cry and feel as if the tears would never stop and sometimes she would feel a profoundly tragic sense of resignation. Work became her distraction, her addiction and her salvation. It was one of the few places where she could focus on things other than her loss and relief from the same thoughts swirling around her head. Finally, after possibly the most intrusive and painful of her miscarriages, it was time to stop. Aideen had to come to terms with the reality that her hopes would not be fulfilled. She had to carry that pain with her as she went about her day, as she advised clients, discussed leadership strategies and even celebrated baby showers. But, as Aideen says, her acceptance came with its own kind of peace. It took time of course, but she is able to see the joy that is woven through her life now, even if it doesn’t look like what she had imagined. Happiness is there in many forms, in her beautiful dog who she loves overwhelmingly, in her family, her precocious nieces, mischievous nephews and wonderful godchildren, in the places she can go and things she can do and in the way she can show up for those who need her again and again. Aideen has also been able to devote herself to her work which she really, truly loves. She definitely prefers being busy and is committed to growing EER Middle East and supporting her team wherever possible.

We asked Aideen what she might say to those who wonder how she survived and her initial reply of “*$%& happens, to so many people” was further evidence of her tendency to downplay her own struggles, a trait that will resonate with many women. But she also talked about how she never really felt she had an option other than to just get on with it. Whether partly due to her own personality or influenced by the generation she grew up in, ‘dusting yourself off and moving forward’ seems to have been a subconscious mantra of hers. “Perhaps I should have taken a ‘duvet day’ once in a while” she admits “but work was my safety net and you need to reach for what works best at helping you put one foot in front of the other. Not all stories have happy endings, so sometimes we have to find a way to let go of the anger and hurt and create a new future.”

Aideen’s story is a heavy read, but it is far heavier for the one that lived it. She generously and bravely chose to share it so others might not feel so alone. We are in awe of her unwavering strength and endless compassion that continues to dazzle us every single day.

Sometimes the greatest achievements of our lives are those that go unseen and leave us with an indelible mark, for better or worse. This International Women’s Day, we want to make sure you know that those achievements deserve to be honoured as well.

Thank you Aideen for being exactly who you are.